Monday, July 6, 2009

Stop Sharing (Men)!

I should put it on my own series of t-shirts, much like the "Stop Snitching" movement of years past. And I mean it in all sincerity that someone (meaning us women) should start our own movement. When I say "Stop Sharing" I truly believe that the key to many failed relationships and neverending drama is often the "other woman." Many get hurt by this other woman....many ARE the other woman.

We all hear that there's a shortage of men (so women share by default), or we make excuses for the behaviour of men because that's just "how they are"...but really and truly, men only are they way they are because there are women out there who are willing to participate in making them "that way." I'm not placing blame on anyone, and I'm not trying to further perpetuate any negative stereotypes, BUT I think women should all agree to a few basic principles.

Do not get intimate with a man who is:

1) Married
2) In a long term/serious relationship
3) Living with his woman
4) Openly involved with more than one woman
5) Has a babymother that is still in the picture and emotionally involved with him

Now it seems like common sense, but I guess the need for affection, attention and possibility causes many woman to get involved with a man despite the fact that he falls into one (or two) of those categories. Everyone has their sob story, they're about to get divorced or separated...or they're about to break up with the chick...they want to move out but can't afford to...or maybe they don't love her anymore but they definitely love the new girl. Maybe they need more time to resolve past issues and just want the new girl to be patient.

Ah, I could write the book myself! Actually, I try to! This is essentially what my "Urban Toronto Tales" books are...hypothetical (yet common) situations put in print.

I just think it would be nice if all women were strong enough to ONLY expect a decent drama-free romance. Whether you're 21 or 31, there really should be no excuses for getting too close to a man who is inevitably going to have you in a controversial situation with a very unhappy lady (see list above).

I'm just writing based on general observation, and of course my thoughts are nothing new and groundbreaking. But the solution seems so simple. If there are no women out there to interfere with particular relationships...then maybe those relationships would stand a chance. Maybe? Maybe not?

Every few months I get a new spark or idea about a fictional woman or man...a new character that is going to face a new challenge and be placed in a new situation. And 9 times out of 10, the story is based on a relationship. In Toronto. I'm not saying that the other woman is the cause of all relationship breakdowns...but is it safe to say that it is a popular problem. Eternally!

We all have our different approaches to love, relationships and understanding the opposite sex.

Yes, it's complicated. And yes, it's definitely specific. But one universal rule that I believe all women should implement is the Stop Sharing rule. By eliminating this issue, it might make it that much easier to solve and conquer all the other relationship drama.

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  1. Love it! So true. Unfortunately desperation gets the best of most women. Sharing will never be a part of the past unless in the near future, more men populate the "women filled" city of Toronto! It's sad as many women are quite comfortable w/ sharing...the expectation is "men will always cheat"...that hasn't changed. Women however have, more independent and settled with knowing they may never have one for themselves…so probably have no issues sharing?

  2. What else can I say after that except.... YOU ARE RIGHT!!! We have become so trained to accept that this type of behaviour and activity is what our relationships are about, and built on with men (which is essentially no foundation at all!!!!) All we are to these type of men are codependants. It is a serious desease that we need to evolve out of as women TOGETHER. However, most importantly we need to first recognize who we have these codependencies on and why??? Why do I want to be with someone else who lives, sleeps or is a married man? I am already aware that this man provides a clear doubt and insecurity to me, while they have a connection with someone else. Am I truly a partner in the relationship.. so why? We need to first regain control of ourselves... and our worth (WITHOUT EXCUSE!)and understand who we are before we can at all gain any fulfilling relationship! It is a very hard pill to swallow as many of us rather face a cheating man then our "own demons" .. However.. recognizing is the first step!!

    Great Blog!!

  3. Not to be self-involved but I swear you wrote this blog for me. :D But seriously, it's hard out here. As you know, I recently started dating someone for a couple months to find out he was easing his way back into his ex-girlfriends life. As soon as I saw the proof with my own eyes, I had to cut him off and he still has no idea why I don't want to be with him. I didn't have the time nor energy to explain why, I just knew it would be impossible to trust him. I MISS him til this day, I mean I literally wake up thinking about him and now I'm lonely as hell. But you know what, I gotta be strong and if I can do it, anyone can over come this disease of "sharing men". I refuse to share my man! Like you it bothers me to see women accepting this type of behavior. I have friends and family members I see go through this over and over again and I don't see how they sleep at night. I think I rather sleep in peace and alone than wondering where my man is at night. Thanks for blogging!

  4. Well Ms. Stacey, I'm kinda on the fence with this topic (wink)... seriously, we are all grown and fully know that every action has a consequence to follow so "play wit fire & catcha burn"!! I stand by the saying "to each's own"... It takes a certain type of person to disassociate themselves from the "guilt" aspect of this wrongful act but what brought them to this point? The question one needs to ask him/herself is, "Why am I doing this?", better yet "What real gratification am I getting at the end of this?" Tears on a pillow, scorn in your heart caused by this selfish act of fullfillment... so choose to play and get play'd OR search & resolve your inner turmoils to endure personal growth :)